umanon stuff

Desperately Seeking Graphic Designers for Utopian Blur Articles!

Do YOU have what it takes to write amazing satire of a high caliber?

Are you a graphic design wizard? Unlimited comedic potential who wants to bolster their portfolio and are willing to work for little-to-no compensation? Well then let us abuse your talents – contact us for the opportunity to poke meticulous fun of our scene with projects new and old! We’re looking for people of all creative talents who would love to make high quality satire, we have a big idea in our brains and we need other people to help us vomit it out. Can you write as well as a fourth grader? Better than a fourth grader? Good for you, but we need someone a little less stupid – how about 8th grader? Now we’re talking. Bring them Hemmingwayesque skills our direction so that we may use your talents as a springboard for our platform of world domination. Soon enough you’ll be churning out propaganda for the Joel-for-President war machine, once again in action, ready to take the helm as president of these here United States of Jambands. Or some shit like that. Whatever. If you want work that we can’t pay you for, harass us so that we may harass you. Note: Not limited to Umphrey’s McGee. Terms and conditions may apply. We have the right to be like “naw, fuck this idea” and then peace out on it like woah. Also, we retain rights to your first born, if that child has already been birthed then we retain rights to your next kin, to be harvested young to enlist in the army of Joel which will dominate the jam scene until all artists are Joel. Or whatever, not Joel, you heard none of that, I’m not possessed by the disembodied spirit of Joel who is playing Ouija in LA. No, not at all. If you want to write satire, manipulate photos, take photos to be manipulated, or eat the young for sustenance, message us. Or don’t, whatever.

Leave a Reply